


I dont want to

by DespairAsSweetAsCitrus



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst, F/F, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 07:03:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13631142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DespairAsSweetAsCitrus/pseuds/DespairAsSweetAsCitrus
Summary: Just a really quick, sad one-shot following the end of Chapter 35!(DISCLAIMER) This was obviously written before chapter 36 came out and destroyed our hearts and souls.





	I dont want to

It was late that evening, Yuzu had just gotten home after hanging out with Harumin for awhile, they had some important matters to discuss such as when they were next gonna go shopping together so it was vital she went! Yuzu knew and was fully expecting to be scolded by Mei for stopping off on the way home from school but as she opened the door and shouted “I’m home.” And no response was given, she knew that something was wrong. Yuzu got out of her shoes and went through the house, she flumped her bag off of her shoulders and entered their room. Surely Mei would be in here and to her relief, she was. The room was dark, enveloped in pitch black all except for a single desk light that was pointed down at Mei’s student council work on her desk, the light barely illuminating Mei’s face as she was curled up, head in between her legs, shaking. Yuzu reached to turn the full room light on but hesitated, letting her hand hover over the switch before pulling away, deciding to keep the room in darkness. 

 

Mei heard Yuzu come home and for a second she felt like getting up and scolding her for stopping at what would more than likely be Harumin’s on the way home, she would do that but a weird force was keeping her down, almost like she was restrained to her chair and a heavy breath taking weight was on top of her. Guilt? Anger? She thought a second…. pain. The sudden realisation hit her like a ton of bricks and she found herself curling up, feeling defenceless and cold, she knew that Yuzu would come in, see her like this and panic but there was nothing she could do, she was vulnerable and had no control this time, Mei started to shake, not from coldness but from sudden images of scenarios playing out over and over again in her head, all of which ended without Yuzu in her life. 

 

Yuzu cautiously walked over to the desk, putting her arms around Mei from the back as if to coax her out of the position and give her more freedom to move but it did nothing so instead she moved around the side of her, careful to never let a hand leave her back or arm in a subtle show of comfort. Yuzu eyed up the desk and the student council work on it, quickly scanning, she saw nothing but the usual forms, letters to sign and general notes. ‘What’s going on?’ Yuzu thought and was now really starting to worry and noticed Mei’s shaking was only getting worse so she decided to bend down onto one knee, Yuzu smiled slightly to herself being in this position, starting to imagine situations where this would be the real thing and Mei would say “YES!” And… her thought were abruptly halted when Yuzu heard a slight whimper come from Mei and before she even had chance to react, the younger girl launched herself at Yuzu, her hands gripping onto the clothes on her back for dear life. Yuzu froze, shocked to see this happen but soon reacted, softly bringing her own arms around Mei’s back and cradling her, standing up slowly along with Mei so she could hold her in a more comfortable position. 

 

After two minutes the crying hadn’t stopped, it only seemed to be coming out harder and faster in fact but Yuzu noticed Mei opening and suddenly closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something but didn’t dare vocalise it. 

 

“Mei, what’s wrong?” Yuzu asked softly

 

Silence met her question but it had managed to calm the girls tears a little, now into uneven spluttering cries. 

 

“Hey come on, what’s going on?” Yuzu pushes, stroking Mei’s smooth black hair. Mei was so torn, conflict raging in her mind. What did she ever do to deserve such a perfect human being like Yuzu, she was so happy with her that she could swear she had died and gone to heaven but on the other hand, what was she going to do if she lost the girl, why did she even deserve such happiness after everything she had done before and was about to do now.’ That thought made another bout of tears threaten to rise but she swallowed it back down. She needed to tell her, silent recipications weren’t enough anymore, she loved Yuzu and she needed the other girl to know before it was ultimately too late. Mei felt like she’d stopped breathing for a few minutes, building up the courage to tell her and with one more deep breath she opened her mouth….

 

“I don’t want to.” Her fresh tears made this sentence nearly inaudible. Damn it, why was she so weak, why?! Mei mentally scolded herself whilst breaking down fully, loud sobbing tears filled the room. She couldn’t hold it back. “I don’t want to” The sentence kept coming out of her mouth, over and over like a broken record, each time getting louder and louder as if she was trying to battle with her own emotions, it was definitely a losing battle. “I DONT WANT TO!” Yuzu was confused but she was determined to find out and help Mei in any way possible

 

“You don’t want to what Mei?” Her tone unwavering from the last time she spoke. Yuzu stood silent, a hand on Mei’s back repeating a circular track over and over. 

 

“Whatever it is, we can figure it out, yeah?” A drop of confidence came with this sentence even if she didn’t feel it. Mei stopped crying suddenly, it threw Yuzu off her balance as she stopped the movement on Mei’s back and stumbled a little when the other girl pulled away from Yuzu and stood, face to the side as if she was trying to hide something from her. Yuzu reached out and put a finger under Mei’s chin, guiding her slowly so they could look each other in the eyes. Yuzu has noticed that through everything, Mei’s emotions were always in her eyes, no matter how much of a tough, rocky exterior Mei put on on the outside, one glance in her eyes and she knew, she liked to think she was the only person who could do this and she was. After a long and what felt like oxygen deprived minute Mei finally looked in her eyes, all she could see was a cocktail of pain and love whirling around. A pang of love and worry struck her chest all at once. 

 

“I don’t want to lose you Yuzu.” Mei said quietly, sniffles and occasional quick intakes of breath was the only thing that could be heard in the silent room. Yuzu was trying so hard to understand. ‘Why did she think she was going to lose me? Have I done something wrong?’ Yuzu’s head tilted slightly. 

 

“Wh, why would you lose me Mei?” Yuzu questioned, deep down fearing the answer. Mei didn’t want to tell her, she couldn’t, she would lose her and then… Mei’s thought process was cut off by Yuzu moving quickly and swiftly taking Mei into her arms, placing a soft kiss on her lips. She felt her love and she wanted this forever, she really did but it was just so. fucking. hard. 

 

Yuzu saw the pain and the worry and decided she’d say it wordlessly with a kiss. Once Yuzu pulled away, Mei’s grip on her shirt got tighter and she clung onto her putting her face in Yuzu’s neck. She felt like a child but she was safe, warm and most of all loved where she was right now. 

 

“Whatever it is Mei, we can get through it, i know I sound cliché but I mean it. It’s you and me VS the world Mei.” Yuzu smiled at Mei as she looked down at her, placing a comforting kiss on her head, she felt Mei smile into her neck. A long, deep sigh came out of Mei’s mouth. 

 

It was now or never.


End file.
